Monday, December 22, 2008

Mystery oranges

So I went outside to get the mail the other day and these 2 oranges were sitting on the steps by the mail box.

And so I told Jason, and he said "That's just weird. " And I thought so too. And I suppose that the mailman could have left them, so I said "Well, they look beautiful!", and Jason said "So did Cinderella's apple." And then I said "the only person I know with an orange tree nearby is xxxxxx ". And Jason said "Oh now I KNOW I'm not eating one!". So I guess they will sit on my counter and look pretty.

And all this reminded me of another occasion many, many years ago (pre-Greta), when Jason and I came home from the movie (I believe it was Arlington Road, actually), and there was a Styrofoam container sitting in front of our front door. And I'm thinking to get to my front door, you have to go into a gate, across the yard, up some stairs, into a screen door, and across the porch. So somebody REALLY wanted us to have this Styrofoam box. So Jason went to pick it up and I said "WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!!!

And he said "Wha?" And I said "IT MAY BE A MAIL BOMB."

And he looked at me like I had sprouted another head and said ok I wont' touch it but he went to open the door and I said "WAIT!!!!!!! It may be wired to the door". And he looked at me like I was from Mars. But I said WHY would somebody leave a Styrofoam container on our porch?! That's too WEIRD! Plus, Schaffer is RIGHT THERE @ the door looking at us. If it's wired to the door he will be blown to bits.

So Jason starts looking all around the thing trying to see if it's wired, and doesn't see anything. And I said well let me go knock on the back door and get Schaffer to come back there so if it blows up he'll be ok. And Jason picked up a broom to poke it, and I said that was probably not long enough, so Jason propped the screen door open, and I went and got Schaffer to come to the back of the house, and Jason stood as far back in the yard as he could and threw a shoe at it and...

...nothing happened.

And when we got inside there was a message on the answering machine from my coworkers who were in town working and had gone to dinner and had a bunch of appetizers left but no fridges in their hotel room and so thought they would share their yummy, fancy appetizers with us. But unfortunately, appetizers aren't real good once they've had a shoe thrown at them...

And Jason thought I was totally nuts and WHO WOULD THINK that a Styrofoam box could be a mailbomb? NOBODY. And I said WATCH THIS. And I called my friend Dale, and I said:

"Dale. You get home from the movies, and there's an unmarked Styrofoam box in front of your front door and someone has had to go through a gate, a yard, a screen door, and a porch to get it there. What's your first thought?"

And Dale said "Mail Bomb."

And see, that's why she's my soul mate!


Giselle said...

Was it Cinderella's apple, or Snow White?

And I guess I'm not paranoid enough to assume mail bomb. But I have to say that I didn't eat the mystery ziploc bag of turkey left on our steps a couple thanksgivings ago. Even though we found a out a couple days later that it was from our neighbors who were leaving town and wouldn't be back before it went bad.

Spickens said...

Oh yeah I guess I meant Snow White.

Andree said...

A couple of years ago they used water cannons on a suspicious package at the NO airport. It was Gumbo.

I would never assume mail bomb. Amy would. But she thought her kids had rabies because a neighborhood kitten drooled on them. But really. How shoe-y were there? I'd of eaten them.

Mom said...

Only my girl! Could you make your pictures right side up. Up side right interferes with my neurological processes.

DCshutrbug said...

I think this is a great story so I ask my hubby if I can read it to him and he sort of rolls his eyes as I proceed. And when I get to the end of the story, he says "want to see why Ginger is my soul mate?" Ginger is the dog so I said no and that's why I don't read things to him very often.