Sunday, September 7, 2008

Blessings and loss

Jason and I are back home. We have power, we have air conditioning. The dogs won't have to stay at a kennel next week. I don't have to go to Dallas.

This week has been a crazy mix of blessings and loss. We are blessed to have the family we have, that our home did not get damaged, that our neighbors are safe despite the tree on their house. We were able to spend a week with my parents. The dogs all got along. Jason helped Mom clean up all the limbs out of the yard.

At the beginning of the week, Jason and I were feeling cautiously optimistic. We were 9 weeks pregnant after many years of trying unsuccessfully. But early Saturday morning I woke up with symptoms that something was very wrong. We went to the emergency room, but things did not turn out well. We aren't pregnant any longer.

I am sad, discouraged, disappointed, scared, heart-broken....a million things. I'm so glad that I was at my parent's house when it happened. They love me and it was nice to have their support along with Jason's. They let me cry, and my Mom made me blueberry pancakes for breakfast this morning.

Last night and today I had several sessions of feeling sorry for myself, and then I looked around my neighborhood at the destruction everywhere and felt guilt for my pity-parties. I'm not ready to write more about it yet, but I decided to post another long entry from my journal from a few months ago that explains some of what's been going on for the last few years. Read it if you want, don't if you don't.


krispy said...


Sarah said...

I love you guys but you already knew that. I'm thinking of you and here to listen more if and when you're ready...but you knew that too. Big hugs!!!

Patrick Parker said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Sonya. I'd tell you that I love you too, like the previous commentors, but what's better than that is that God loves you, and will work this out for the best for you.

I read the post about the struggle between efficiency and artistry. Sounds familiar.

Andree said...

I'm so sorry about the baby, Sonya. That really sucks. We're thinking of you. Call if you want to get together.