Thursday, December 15, 2016

Magic Belly Button Healing Wand

So.....I haven't blogged about it yet, but I have a new job!  Since November 2015, actually. Same agency, but now I'm teaching in a classroom full time. This means I'm in Virginia a lot more than I used to be.  So far - loving it!

BUT, as y'all know, I don't get out much.  I am perfectly content to never leave the hotel.  I'm trying to BREAK OUT OF MY SHELL and move my body more.  So, two weeks ago my new coworker Amy and I went for a walk.  On the way, we saw a Tai Chi place about a block from our hotel. Talked about how we had both always wanted to do it. We went in, talked to the instructor, and signed up for an introductory class a couple of days later.

He was (and still is) super nice. 

And then, we started getting texts.  Texts of videos touting the amazingness of the MAGIC BELLY BUTTON HEALING WAND.

It cures diabetes and cancer and kidney disease and migraines and ebola!

Y'all, I cannot make this stuff up. 

SO.....even though I was feeling a little uneasy about the torrent of belly button videos, I went to Tai Chi.  The guy told us to get there 15 minutes early.  Y'all know I am not capable of doing a single thing 15 minutes early, but I did get there about 5 minutes early. 

Walked in, had to take my shoes off (my feet were stinky, too, because I just ran down to a store to pick up something for my BFF Dale before the store closed), and was sweetly escorted into the Tai Chi studio by the woman working there. 

And there was Amy (who had dutifully arrived 15 minutes early), sitting on the floor watching a video and using the BELLY BUTTON HEALING WAND.   I wanted to laugh/die of awkwardness, and then he told me to get one of the wands off the rack and sit down.  OK AWKWARD.  But Amy was a sport, so I decided I would be too.  I did the wand.  It was WEIRD, and made my belly button sore, and I only did it for 5 minutes.  Amy did it for 15 minutes.  Hers was sorer.

Then more people started coming in for class, and we did a great bit of stretching and then learned the first few moves of Tai Chi.  The guy was very nice, very supportive, made us smile the whole time.  I felt great from the stretching.

And really, he showed us this BELLY BUTTON HEALING WAND, and lots of videos about it, but never even once suggested we purchase one.  I appreciated that, and it made me feel less weird.

And who am I to say this thing doesn't work?  I know that the next day, the problem I was having from EATING SO MUCH CHEESE at Thanksgiving the week before fully resolved itself.  Was it all the coffee I was drinking?  The stretching?  OR THE MAGIC OF ANCIENT EASTERN MEDICINE?  I don't know the answer. 

I'm still not fixin' to buy a BELLY BUTTON HEALING WAND, but I have sort of been tempted to poke myself in the stomach from time to time just to see what would happen.....

Monday, December 12, 2016

Brain Dump Part II

More random stuff from this past 15 months:

Here is the start of a post I meant to write, and never got finished with.  I have zero recollection of this dream!!!

"Last night I dreamed we had 16 giant rescues, some came to us packaged in little boxes about the size of a bar of soap. When you opened the box it unfolded itself very slowly and expanded into a dog about the size of a 6 month old puppy.  And it would be very, very thirsty. We had found homes for 6 of the rescues so far."

Made more advent boxes - these were for my Temporary Kids

Went to Niece 1 and Niece 2's Christmas programs (2015)

Bought some art

Made some art out of shaving cream

Made new friends

Ate figs off my tree

Made an EnMasse Journal - there is a video on the YouTube!

Lost, then found, then put a GPS locator in my brain (aka my planner)

The Things I Have To Put Up With (or: The Things Up With Which I Have to Put?)

My Mother is the sweetest, kindest, Mommy in the world. Obvi.  She is a little OCD about some things, including the "even-ness" of Christmas gifts to people of similar status (e.g. my husband, me, my brother, his wife). I guess most people are.  It's cool, I get it.  Right now, she needs hints to round out Jason's Christmas.  I thought he wanted headphones, but now he says maybe not.  I told him he needed to give me some hints to give Mom.  Here is a selection of the oh-so-helpful things he sent me: 

So, yeah.  In case you do not know my Mom, let me assure you these are NOT helpful hints.  I don't think I have ever even heard her say the words "Pee" or "Poo". 

She did, however, giggle a little when I shared them with her :)  Much like she did when we forced her to watch Bad Santa.  That whole movie went like this:

Mom: teehee teehee (very-quiet-trying-hard-to-suppress-it-giggle)
Mom:  teehee teehee (very-quiet-trying-hard-to-suppress-it-giggle)

She'd never in a million years admit she found any of this remotely amusing, but trust me there is a good sense of humor hidden under that Southern Belle shell :)

Monday, December 5, 2016

It's My Party and I'll Blog if I Want To

After the year-long pressure of at LEAST 3 people, I have determined that I shall no longer selfishly hide my light from the world.  Get ready, people, because I have a year's worth of nieces, schnauzers, trips, neurosis, gardening, drama, etc. to share.  I've been saving up, but I just haven't been able to force myself to write anything.  For... reasons.  I don't feel like writing them, but there are some. But as the title of this post says, "IT'S MY PARTY AND I'LL BLOG IF I WANT TO"!!! And honestly, I have missed it a lot.

So I am going to stop pressuring myself to blog in chronological order, or to try to come up with some big explanation of why I took a year off.

Here's the thing:

I took a year off.  Big whoop.

Lately I'm in to brain dumps, so below this point you'll find what will be PART 1 of a several part "2015-2016 Brain Dump" (so.....more like a "Brain 72 Hour Vomit Virus" than a one-time dump), of whatever I feel like I want to share from this past 16 months.  Holy CRAP 16 months?!?!?!

Time flies when you are having fun and so forth.

In the words of the great and powerful Bloggess (all hail)...


Went on lots of walks to the beach

Lots of beach walks...really!

Saw a lot of plays

Witnessed a lot of beautiful skies over Alexandria, VA

Fulfilled my life-long dream of having pink hair

Got new glasses

Built a holder for my dirt

Drug my significant other to the MUSES parade

Made some Christmas Countdown boxes

Finally got some "WILD GEARS"

Went to an art camp for 6-12 year old as a camper

And of couse, continued to ART!